Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
so much tequila, so little girl.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
