Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Randomize
