I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
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