Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
What a dumb baby whore.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
