The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
