dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
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