i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
