time to smoke my breakfast
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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