No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
