I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
