yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
