After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
