There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
