I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Randomize
