if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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