On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
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