Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Randomize
