last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I feel like a drive thru vagina
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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