I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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