The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
