i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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