so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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