How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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