i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
