yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
