fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
