And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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