I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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