Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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