did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
This toilet bowl is my home.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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