We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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