I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
