I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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