I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
