The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
