so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
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