You're completely useless in the revolution.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize