I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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