Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
