i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
