its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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