I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
