bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
