planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
