Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
