Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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