Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
