And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Randomize
