Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Randomize
