I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
