I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
