Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
