You're my little dorito
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
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