I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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