So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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